3 Executive Functioning Skills Parenting Coaching Can Help You Rock

Parenting is a skill:  It can be taught, learned, and practiced.

Not only can a parent coach teach you critical skills, but more importantly, she can help you master them.

A lot of executive functioning skills are particularly critical to effective parenting.

Goal Setting

So many people do what I call Seat-of-the-Pants parenting.  They are in survival mode, moment to moment, month to month, year to year.  

While these parents might use Goal Setting as a tool in other areas of their lives, for some reason, they don’t apply it to raising their kids.

That’s too bad!

Reflecting on your parenting and establishing clear areas to focus on can bring big shifts to your household.

My clients, Peter and Jennifer, for example, were feeling increasingly conflicted about having their kids sleep with them.

When the kids were little, they knew they wanted their kids close to them.  They loved the ease of being right there at every moment for their kids and they treasured the delight of morning cuddles.

As the kids got bigger and more restless, however, Peter and Jennifer realized that not only was their sleep quality suffering, but the kids weren’t getting a good night’s sleep either.  

It was time to put a new plan in place.  

At the same time, I pointed out that they couldn’t just announce a new policy without upsetting their kids big time.  Instead, I suggested they announce Kids Sleeping in Their Own Beds as a goal that they would accomplish step by step.  

Before they had that conversation with their kids, I helped them prepare by brainstorming a list of possible steps (creating cozy spaces in the kids’ rooms, considering the need for light and music, letting the kids pick out their own sheets, getting the kids used to the space by having them nap there, doing bedtime in the kids’ room even if they end up in the family bed, etc.)

In this way, Peter and Jennifer were doing more than spending their time complaining about bad sleep.  They set a goal they could break down into manageable and measurable steps.  They felt empowered because they were able to take action on what felt like an impossible change in their family.

Time Management

Managing your time well is an executive functioning skill that can make a huge difference in creating harmony at home.  

By the time families get home from work, child care, and activities, we have precious little time to truly connect with our kids.  

That is why it is so critical to optimize the time we do have—and that takes creating efficient systems and routines.

As a parenting coach, I have gathered a wide range of hacks that have helped my clients increase the amount of fun time they have at home.

For my money, one of the key areas to create efficiency is getting meals made, served, and cleaned up.  

I am a big believer in planning out meals ahead of time.  It can be useful to have a two-week meal plan.  You can always make something new, but in our busy lives, it is important to have something you can fall back on.

Not having to think about what to cook removes a lot of the mental load of cooking (If browsing recipes is like binge-watching Netflix for you then, by all means, come up with new things to cook!).

To make shopping more efficient, I list out the ingredients for my different recipes in the same format (Ex: onion, yellow, chopped, 1 cup) in a spreadsheet.  That way, I can add the ingredient list for all my meals to one spreadsheet and then sort them alphabetically.  Now I can see that over the week, I’ll need 5 yellow onions and that goes on my shopping list.

I arrange the shopping list by the order I will come across things in the store, so I spend as little time as possible shopping.  When my husband comes or I’ve got older kids along, I split up the list and have them start from the opposite end of the store.

Doing your shopping once a week—or ordering online in one go—means you always have what you need to cook without last-minute runs to the store. 

When it comes to prepping meals and getting them on the table, involving your kids is a big timesaver.  You may argue that they are too busy with homework and need time to play, but over the long haul, it is going to give you more time to spend with them.  For that reason, I strongly recommend having a sous chef every night, to help you to cook.  When they are super little, you are training the habit more than the actual help.  Two-year-olds can mash bananas and wash Tupperware.  3-year-olds can wash vegetables and stir things.  Four-year-olds can peel carrots and cut things with a plastic knife.  

Play some music, do a little dance, and making and cleaning up from dinner might be one of the most light-hearted daily moments you have with your kids.  

I have a ton more strategies for creating more efficiency at home. 

Self-Discipline

You’ve no doubt heard that being consistent supports effective parenting.

Sticking to routines certainly takes some self-discipline, which is hard.

And that’s where a good parenting coach can make all the difference.

When you invest in parenting coaching, you are no longer alone:  You have a cheerleader.  An accountability partner.  Knowing you are going to check in with your coach every week, you bring more focus and determination to your goals.  

Research shows that when we attach new habits to an already established habit, it takes less self-discipline to do the new habit.  

One strategy for setting your kids up for success, for example, is reviewing with them your expectations for what needs to be done between now and dinner.  

To remember to do that consistently, I recommend starting that conversation about a block away from home and not shutting off the engine until you have verbal confirmation back from your kids about what is the first thing they are going to do when they get in the house (hang up their coats? unpack their lunch boxes? wash their hands?).  

If you need help remembering to have that conversation, set an alarm for yourself about the time you will be getting home. 

Having a clear plan with your kids—and taking the time to review it—takes your focus and attention, but it will make life much easier in the long run.

Where else would some self-discipline enrich your life and make parenting easier?

That’s a great question for a coach, and I’d love to help you get started with that!

Sign up for my Getting to Know You call year, and let’s have a conversation about which executive functioning skills could use an upgrade in your home.