Parenting and Finding Work/Life Balance During COVID-19

It's summer, and we'd like to be on vacation, but work goes on.  It's summer, and our kids still don’t have school, but work goes on.  For the working parent, finding the balance of fulfilling those two roles seems never ending. 

You've probably read lots of articles and tips on this in the past.  And maybe you even put some practices in place.  But over time you slipped away from taking the steps that would help you keep your balance. I can’t do anything about parenting during a pandemic, but the basic principles stay the same. Here's a little reminder (with my own biases, of course!).  

1. Start by Prioritizing Self Care
I mean it. If you structure the whole rest of your day around the one choice that is going to keep you sane, you are half way to keeping that sanity. If you haven’t figured out for yourself what is your one thing, I would start by doing a “self care” internet search where you will come across dozens of ideas. It might be as small as truly savoring one square of dark chocolate every day, but if that is your one thing, imbue it with ceremony, make it too important and valuable to be interfered with. Make such a big deal out of it that your kids make fun of you. That’s okay. The joke is on them: Only you truly get how this is Your Moment. Over the years my One Thing has changed, but having one is my anchor. In general, I have found that the more spiritual or reflective practices have been the ones that have sustained me the most (though chocolate is always a good back up). 
 
2 .Expect More of Your Kids
       The trend over the last few decades has been to excuse children from contributing to the smooth running of the household in order to keep them focused on their academics and college resume building activities (sports, musical accomplishments, etc.). Not only does this practice give your children a warped sense of their own importance, but it adds to their sense of insecurity by robbing them of opportunities for feeling competent and in control. Kids like to feel that they are needed; when we excuse them from all the work of the house, we are constantly in service mode. That gives the child too much power and takes away from the mutual give and take of families being there for each other. During sheltering in place I have loved seeing how much baking and cooking kids have been taking on and how proud of themselves they have been. [Side note:  if you find yourself feeling resentful of your kids, that's a pretty good sign that you are waiting on them and accommodating them more than is good for either of you.]

 
3. Use Routines Both at Work and at Home to Maximize Free Time
While being flexible and spontaneous and going with the flow all add spark and interest to life, in my experience, there are more opportunities for taking advantage of such moments when the majority of your time is routine. Doing things in the same order every day cuts down on think time and on nagging. Your kids should be doing the same three or four things every morning (and every bedtime) with such monotonous regularity that they literally don’t think about them (much less require reminders from you).  Yes, this will take training, but once the habit is ingrained, you’re set.  This is as important for you:  If you intend to do 5 Sun Salutations every morning do them before or after other daily tasks you already do.  When I started flossing my teeth in the shower, I became a consistent flosser because I already had the habit of showering every day. 
 
4. Use Systems Both at Work and at Home to Make Things Run Smoothly
The possibility for systems is endless. For example, have a shopping list of the items you use most often typed up arranged by which aisle you find them in the store. Train your kids to check off items when they use them up. They eat the last cracker? They automatically mark that more crackers are needed (Finding food items on a list is a great activity for your beginner readers, so you can develop their language arts skills at the same time!). Have a consistent day of the week to go shopping. I suggest to parents that they have a two week menu rotation where at least ten of the fourteen days stay consistent. There is a reason Taco Tuesday is so popular—it takes the stress out of What’s for Dinner Tonight? If that feels too regimented, plan on a mystery day. Let that be a “get to” rather than a “have to.” That way you have some of the fun of coming up with something new without the stress of it being last minute and every day.
 
5. Schedule Your Downtime as Religiously as You Schedule Work Meetings
Let’s face it, we are not very good at recreating. On the whole we tend to work too hard and never give ourselves a break—even though we have read over and over how taking a break will make us more efficient (not to mention less witchy!). Instead, we siphon off productive time scrolling through Instagram, allowing ourselves to get distracted, and then we wonder why we get so little done. When you know that you are going to take a walk at noon or a 20 minute nap at 2:00 (I’ve taken to napping a la Winston Churchill on the floor of my office), you make better use of your work time. At home, knowing exactly when they are going to get your undivided attention will help your kids stay calmer and more regulated in the meanwhile. When you leave to work—whether that is reversing out the driveway or stepping into your makeshift office in the laundry room—they will have that scheduled time to look forward to. Put it on the calendar and keep your play date without fail.  
 

Feeling out of control?  Try recommitting to the practices you know will help keep you centered.  Got any really good mom hacks?  I'd love to hear them.