Savoring the Silver Linings of Covid

 It has been an incredibly challenging year, but there have been some silver linings.

One of the biggest silver linings were the gifts of time and connection with our kids.

The families that have thrived the best this year, used the time to establish some of the practices that we know are supportive for kids’ growth and development. 

If you have not incorporated these actions into your family life yet, there is still time to establish them in your home in the next couple of weeks before school opens. 

Here are some of my favorites:

FAMILY DINNERS

The correlation between families eating together and positive outcomes in kids across multiple measures is well established.  Better grades, later onset of sexual activity, less drug and alcohol use, and better nutrition top the list.  Those are all things parents I’ve talked to worry about a lot as their kids get older.  Imagine being able to provide insurance against their likelihood just by gathering at the table every night! At our house, we’ve been using dinner time to express our gratitude, which research shoes to be a key to happiness.

CHORES

Before the pandemic, the biggest reason I heard from parents for not asking their kids to do chores was that the kids were too busy with their schoolwork and their extra-curricular activities.  Parents complained it was just faster and easier to do the chores themselves.  During the pandemic many families found that their kids were sufficiently bored that they wanted to spend time with their parents—even if it meant helping with chores!  Lots of kids now had the time to learn how to run the washing machine, how to load the dish washer efficiently and take an active interest in helping to prepare dinner.  Doing chores help kids feel competent and important to the family’s wellbeing.   

DEVELOPMENT OF HOBBIES

Over the years I have asked kids about their hobbies.  Often the response is, “What do you mean?” These kids don’t even really know the concept of a hobby!  They know school work and they know the activities they “have” to do—school, tutoring, music study, playing on a sports team.  Now, of course, music or playing on a sports team can be your hobby.  But if children’s hearts are really in these activities, they do them all the time.  They do them even when an adult doesn’t arrange for them to do them.  These are the kids who are dribbling a soccer ball under the kitchen table or who pick up their instrument for comfort or to work through big feelings or when they are bored.  The gift of a hobby is that you are doing it for the process as much as for the outcome.  You paint or knit or bake more for the pleasure of painting or knitting or baking rather than for the painting you produce, the hat you knit or the scones you serve.  Hobbies serve to soothe and relax us, to take our mind away from other stresses.

FAMILY MEETINGS

At the risk of being a broken record, I cannot over emphasize how much I love family meetings as a tool for connection, for improving the logistics of the household and for giving kids an opportunity to feel heard, acknowledged and valued.  I know of no organization that does not take time both for evaluation and for having a regular way of communicating the organization’s greater vision and direction.  Family Meetings help our kids feel connected to a bigger cause, coming together regularly brings the focus back on the unit rather than the individual.  That gives children the sense of “we.” The idea that “in our family we” helps to make children feel safe and clearer in their identity.  Even middle school students—who are busy pushing away while they decide who they are and who they want to be—are aided by knowing their family is behind them. 

What are the silver linings of #parentinginplace that you are going to preserve as we move forward this year?