How Parenting Coaches Can Assist with School-Related Challenges

Many parenting coaches, like me, come from the world of education.  That means we bring our classroom experiences and teacher perspective to our parenting coaching. 

 Here are some things that I'd like parents to focus on as a parenting coach and as a former educator. 

Do you struggle getting your kids out the door and to school on time? 

 This is something teachers have expectations about that parents are responsible for at home. 

 Even with little kids, parents can engage their kids in problem-solving around arriving to school on time. 

 Do not try to address the issue in the morning when you are attempting to get kids up and moving. 

Choose a downtime—like afternoon snack or, better yet, Saturday—to bring up the issue.  I’d say something like, “Kids, this past week we had a hard time getting to school on time, and that’s a problem:  What can we do to solve this problem?” 

Then start by listening—even if all the kids are doing is complaining.  Agree that yes, it is hard to get up and, yes, your sister is in the bathroom at exactly the moment you want and, yes, you couldn’t find the shoes you wanted to wear this morning.   

Then start listing all the things that might make the family late out the door (I really wanted pancakes this morning and we didn’t have any eggs, I couldn’t decide what to wear, I wasn’t done playing with my Legos, I was too tired and couldn’t wake up, I was trying to finish my homework, You weren’t ready, so I started playing a video game). 

There are many legitimate reasons that make it hard to leave on time. 

You still need solutions for obstacles.  Here is what one family came up with: 

•Get up earlier 

•Pick out clothes the night before and leave them in the bathroom 

•Pack snacks and non-perishables into the lunch box the night before 

•Set kids up for success by having items reachable and “kid-sized”, so that even the Kindergartener can get his own breakfast 

•Use a check off list for each day and put backpacks, sports equipment, musical instruments, and clothing for the predicted weather by the door   

Something else that teachers expect parents to teach at home are the kinds of skills you might expect children to exhibit at the dinner table. 

 Teach children to  

•Say please, thank you, excuse me and I’m sorry 

•Ask before taking things from someone 

•Offer to share things without being prompted 

•Sit in their chairs without getting up 

•Pick up garbage off the floor 

•Put away books and supplies without being asked 

 Kids who do all that free up time for the teacher to teach.    

 It is hard to teach kids these kinds of basic manners, but as the parent you can start during toddlerhood and chip away at them diligently until your child has mastered them.   

Especially if you have a neurodivergent child with a diagnosis like ADHD or ASD, you might need the help of a parenting coach to come up with creative approaches to practicing basic skills.   

Another school-related area that parenting coaching can support is homework. 

 Homework occupies an in-between zone where it is not always clear whose responsibility it is. 

Teachers assign the homework and shouldn’t let their students go out the door without understanding how to do the homework but, it is parents who have the job of getting the child to sit down, focus and complete the homework. 

 Some children have no problem with that; but, in my experience, more children than not put up a lot of resistance to homework. 

Here are some questions you need to find unique answers for each child: 

 •When is the ideal time for your child to do homework? Some things, like reading 20 minutes a day, go better in the morning or just before bedtime. 

•How long can your child work without a break? 

•Does it serve your child to sit down in the same place and time every day? (Particularly for kids with ADHD, it might be better to provide variety—sometimes working in the kitchen other times on the living room floor) 

•Does it help your child to do the hard work first and save the easier work for later or is that too discouraging? Maybe it boosts a child’s confidence to have some success with the easier work first.   

•Is the amount of homework reasonable? A widely accepted recommendation is 10 minutes per grade (ie, 10 minutes for first graders, 20 minutes for second graders, etc).  Do you need to advocate for your child’s mental health and negotiate less homework than is assigned? 

•What is your child’s learning style?  Does she need to hear things out loud? Does he need to see the concepts drawn out?  Do they still need manipulatives to be successful?   

One of the biggest responsibilities that parents might need help with is supporting their children in developing their executive functioning skills 

You have time the teacher does not have to help your child learn time, materials and project management.  You don’t want to do their homework for them, but you do want to support your children through questioning.  

 Here are the kinds of questions you might ask to develop your kids’ executive functioning skills: 

•How long do you think this assignment will take you to finish? /How long did a similar assignment take you last time? 

•What will the assignment look like that you turn in? 

•Before you start, what materials do you need? /What materials did you use to finish this assignment? /Where do the materials go that you used so that you will know where to find them next time? 

•Did you read the complete instructions before starting?   

•What did you do first? Did that make the most sense?  Could you have started another part first to make things easier? 

•This assignment is going to take you more than one night; how are you going to decide what to work on first? 

•What was the easiest part of this assignment?  What was the hardest?   

•What do you need help on? Who can give you that help? 

•What are you proud of on this assignment?  Where is there room for improvement? Where are you going to focus your energy next time?   

Developing approaches for Executive Functioning skills is much more important than any academic skill your child is learning now. 

Executive functioning skills are really the building blocks of how to learn.   You are your child’s first teacher.  You don’t have to just use homework to teach these skills.  Teaching household tasks—like cleaning one’s room—also provides rich opportunities for kids to learn Executive Functioning skills.   

Whether it is getting your kids out the door in the morning, seeing that homework gets done, or building your kids’ independence and motivation by supporting their Executive Functioning skills, a parenting coach can help know how to best do that.   

 What of these challenges do you find most difficult?   

 Can I help you with that? 

 Sign up today for a Getting to Know You call.