Learn to Raise Resilient, Self-Confident Kids with a Parenting Coach
There is no question that child mental health has taken a dip in the last decade.
Recent data from 2022 indicates that over 25% of U.S. children aged 3 to 17 years had a current, diagnosed mental, emotional, developmental, or behavioral condition (1).
That means that 1 in 4 diagnosed children have a particular challenge they need to rise above. It does not account for undiagnosed children. Nor does it account for the general (what I like to call) soup of anxiety that is today’s society.
Deliberately helping our children build self-confidence and resilience is more important than ever, and a parent coach can help you do that.
Feeling loved lays the base for sound emotional health.
Feeling loved does not come from just being told you are loved. Rather, it comes from feeling seen, heard and understood.
Think about that: When someone stops to truly listen to you (think Active Listening) and to repeat back what you have said to them, the listener is saying you are important, you are worth listening to, you have value. You feel respected.
People who feel respected have higher self-esteem, and even little kids need to be treated with respect.
You do not have to agree with someone to respect their right to their feelings.
Even before our children can talk, we can respect their feelings by trying to articulate what we see in them:
You are crying. Is it because your sister knocked down your tower? I’m guessing you feel really angry and maybe even powerless right now.
Recognizing and validating children’s emotions is a powerful tool for helping them feel seen, heard, and understood.
Think about yourself as an adult. You’ve had a terrible day at work, but you’ve kept it together. Now you walk through your kitchen door to where your spouse is making dinner. Immediately, you start telling him about your rotten day and what stinker your boss is for yelling at you. You do admit that you messed up one of the graphs for the meeting, but you go back to your jerk boss who shouldn’t have shamed you in front of the team.
Your spouse—knowing that right now all you need is to have your feelings validated—wisely expresses the appropriate sympathy and outrage that makes you feel better. After a few minutes of venting, you pull yourself together and offer to help make the salad.
Of course, we also know the other way this scene goes: When you start to vent, your spouse says things like, “Well, that’s over and done with. Just let it go. And you did mess up an important graph, so that was your fault.”
What’s your reaction? Would you say, “You’re right, Hon, I should just let it go.”
Boy, oh boy. That’s not how I’d react. In my head, I would be thinking F*** You!
When we feel seen and heard, it soothes our nervous system. We do in fact let things go because our partner’s understanding presence tells us we are safe.
Being your child’s safe emotional harbor allows them to come in for repairs so that they can go out into the open ocean again.
When we meet our kids with love, patience and warm empathy, we are helping their bodies return to a state where they can access the thinking part of their brain.
Now they are in a position to do some evaluating and critical thinking. Now we can help them create a plan for doing better next time.
We comfort our little kids and send them back to play. That builds resilience.
When a toddler or preschooler ventures out onto the playground, hurts himself and comes back to you for a hug and boo-boo inspection, he is using you as his anchor. That security gives him the courage to go tackle the jungle gym or climbing structure again. Yes, he falls down, but you provide that oasis of calm, so he can regroup himself.
Isn’t it interesting that grit actually comes from softness and vulnerability?
What builds your child’s self-confidence is competency.
Whether it is getting dressed by herself or mastering riding a bike, your child feels good knowing that she can do things by herself.
One disturbing trend I see today as a parenting coach is that parents are over-helping and over-serving their children.
Partly, there has been a shift to overhelping because we are so busy. There is no doubt that it takes more time to teach a child how to do something than to do it themselves.
However, just like us, kids want to have power. Power comes from being able to do things. It is disempowering when you have to wait for your parent to do every little thing.
Over time, constantly doing everything for your child can lead to a lack of confidence and fear about trying new things.
When kids are not given opportunities to try, fail, and try again, they miss out on the critical skill of problem-solving. They also lose the satisfaction of mastering tasks, which builds their sense of independence and self-worth.
Parents often fear that allowing children to struggle will cause stress or failure, but small, manageable challenges are vital for growth.
Step back a moment. Give your kids a chance to explore their abilities, develop patience, and learn from their mistakes. If you don’t have time in the morning routine for kids to, say, practice tying their shoes, have them practice in the evenings or on the weekend. Get creative.
Fostering independence, resilience, and self-confidence in your children, sets them up for a lifetime of success and emotional well-being.
Small changes in how we interact with our kids—like stepping back to let them try, validating their emotions, and providing a safe space for them to regroup—can make all the difference.
As parents, it’s natural to want to shield your children from pain or failure, but growth often stems from these very experiences. By resisting the urge to overhelp and instead focus on teaching, guiding, and encouraging, you empower your child to take on challenges, solve problems, and build confidence in their abilities.
Do you find yourself struggling with how to navigate these changes or need support in building these skills?
I would love to provide the tools, strategies, and encouragement to help you create a joyful, resilient family environment which supports your kids thriving.
Schedule a complimentary Getting to Know You call today to get started.