4 Changes I Hope Covid-19 Has Brought to Your Parenting

Yesterday my mother-in-law, who lives with me, got her first Covid vaccination.  Yay!  Somehow, even though I know we have a long way to go—especially here in the San Francisco/Bay Area, that shot seems like the beginning of the end of what life has been in California since last March. 

There is so much I long for.  Moving in the outside world without fear.  Being able to eat in restaurants.  Seeing friends and family without either having to figure out how to meet outside or planning Covid tests just right. 

And at the same time, there have been a few silver linings for families that as a parenting coach, I hope parents will make an effort to hold on to even as we begin to venture out again.

1.     Not Running Around Like a Chicken with Your Head Cut Off

Seriously.  Do you remember what it was like? Having to get everyone packed for the day and out the door at some outrageously early  time of day? Picking up children from child care only to deliver one to ballet class so you can drive the other across town to his violin lesson?  How many of you had kids whose extra tutoring or practice or rehearsal kept your kid out on a week night until past 9:00 p.m.?  How many of you had kids who never had playtime or down time?  On Saturdays was your family like ships passing in the night with one parent accompanying one child to the travel soccer game while the other parent took the other child into the city for the fabulous art program the museum was putting on? 

It is my great hope that parents have learned that our kids can learn less!  The world doesn’t stop turning if we are not cramming experiences down our kids’ throats.  Of course, it is wonderful for kids to be involved in sports and classes and, at the same time, they have a lifelong of living to do.  They don’t have to learn everything all at once.

2.     Giving Kids Real Life Skills Like That Raise Their Self Confidence

Before the pandemic I would ask parents whether they were asking their kids to do chores and if not, why not.  The answers were generally that the kids were too busy.  They didn’t have time to play much less contribute to the running the house.  Children should not be so busy they don’t have any downtime.  With fewer activities and less academic pressure, there should be time for playing and helping out at home; and that is exactly what happened in many homes this year.  I have loved hearing parents share that their kids have taken over their laundry or have been cooking dinner one night a week.  Doing concrete skills that benefit the whole family build kids’ self-esteem.  It feels good to be able to take care of yourself—and skills like reading a recipe help develop executive functioning skills while kids are having fun.  Pandemic kids aren’t going to be posting pictures of themselves #adulting when they go out into the world.  They are already going to feel confident that they have the skills to handle themselves. 

3.     Spending Time Together as a Family

In the battle between quantity time and quality time, I have always argued that most kids would like quality time and lots of it.  Modern life really doesn’t allow for that; but pandemic life has allowed for much more of it.  In addition to finally having consistent family dinners, families have had to be creative about game nights, movie nights and other group projects.  We won’t be able to sustain it at the same rates as we go back to commitments outside the house, but I hope families do more to protect their family time.  It is okay to insist on family dinner five or six times a week.  It is okay to block of Saturday or Sunday as a day you’ll say no to people outside the family—even if it means you give a pass to the birthday party or the soccer game or the choir performance.  Yes, your kids will miss out on some things, but think what they’ll gain in maintaining the bond to the family. 

4.     Getting Your Family Papers in Order

The last year has been scary, and one advantage of being scared is that it prompts us into action.  I’ve heard from estate attorneys that they have had a lot of business from people who are making sure they have their wills, trusts and their Nomination of Guardianship forms done.  Parents who had maybe been putting it off have implemented steps for funding their children’s college educations. People have also taken a look at their emergency back up plans and evaluated their best options for life insurance if that is a part of the financial approach that is going to protect their families. No one likes to think about what is going to happen worst case scenario.  When we take the time to get our papers and permissions in order, not only do we honor our friends and neighbors who have faced cold, hard reality this year, but we provide reassurance for our kids that we are doing everything in our power to take care of them.