The Power of Dreaming
Learning to be present is an important skill. It includes checking in with our emotions—taking the time to feel them rather than stuffing them. It asks us to focus on the little thing: A cup of hot tea. The way the sun glints off tree leaves. The miracle of a dandelion pushing up through the cracks of the sidewalk.
In these strange #ParentingInPlace times, being present allows us to breathe deeply, slow down, and forgive ourselves for doing less and not knowing the answers.
At the same time, I think it is important for us to continue to dream.
Dreaming has a number of benefits to my mind.
Positive Psychology studies show that anticipation of a happy event allows us to feel the pleasure of that event in real time. Our brain doesn’t really know the difference between experiencing something and imagining it. That means that if you narrate the detail of some anticipated event with excitement, your body gets the actual benefit of that excitement. Maybe your 3 year old wants her next birthday to be in the park, to include a jumpy house, to feature a cake with turrets…. Even if none of that is actually possible—or if she changes her mind 100 times before the birthday date—she feels powerful and hopeful as she plans.
A dream is a vision; and visions that are greater than the drudgery or discomfort of the moment give us energy to push through despite our wanting to stop. Most of us know that from our exercise regime. In that place in your workout where it is feeling really intense, what keeps you pushing to your edge, despite the intense feeling, is the vision of what you are working to achieve (more calm, better health, looking good at your class reunion, etc). It is the dream of what we’ll create, or the performance we’ll give or what we’ll be able to do with the skill once mastered that keeps us practicing and perfecting even when there is limited opportunity to share what we’e working on today.
The same is true when we, say, dream about the vacation we want to take. Does it make sense to plan all the details of a special vacation when we are sheltering in place and have no realistic idea of when we might be able to realize such a dream? Yes! Because the very act of thinking through the sights, the food, the activities of a special vacation give us hope that someday there will be such opportunities again. Even if we do our best to hide our anxiety from our kids, they are highly attuned sponges, picking up our stress. Developing a dream reassures them that what is now is not always what will not be. Dreaming is essentially an optimistic activity.
I urge you to take this unique time of #ParentingInPlace as an opportunity to explore with your kids the idea of what is possible. You could ask questions like What kind of family do we want to be? What do you want to learn that is just for you (not for grades or college applications)? Where is somewhere in the world you want to go some day?
Stay safe. Be well.
Love,
Elisabeth
www.elisabethstitt.com
elisabeth@elisabethstitt.com
650.248.8916