What Parents Can Learn from Classroom Teachers

A home is not the same as a classroom full of twenty to thirty kids.

But there are some things that parents can learn from the way good teachers do things.

When teachers are evaluated for effectiveness, the measure used is Time on Task. That means how many minutes of the day are students actually learning or practicing content. Any minutes spent doing organizational tasks—taking attendance, collecting lunch money, turning in homework—do not count towards a teacher’s effectiveness.

At home with families, there are necessarily a lot of things that just need to get done—laundry, food prep, clean up, kids getting dressed/undressed, bathed, etc.—but the truly meaningful time is the time spent bonding together, connecting and having fun. In families, that is the Time on Task.

Confidence, Parenting, Parenting stylesElisabeth StittMarch 2, 2022organization, home organization, fun, routines

5 Ways to Motivate Your Kids

At the start of the new school year, everyone feels motivated—teachers, students and parents. As the year wears on, however, especially students—even more so tweens and teens—lose their motivation. That stresses and concerns parents a lot (In my Middle School Moms FB group unmotivated kids is a topic that comes up fairly often). And it should concern us because how miserable is it to send our kids off to school every day if they are not arriving happy and eager to learn.

So let’s look at how to motivate kids (and how we can keep from demotivating them).

How Do You Talk to Your Kids About Porn?

The idea of talking to your kids about porn may make you want to hide your head, but who better than you to do it? Recently I had the pleasure of hearing sex educator Amy Lang give a webinar on how to talk to your boys about porn. I felt like what she has to say is so critically important that I wanted to pass on to you the key ideas I got from her talk. (And while it was directed towards parents of boys, everything Amy said sounded like I could have easily used it with my daughter, too.)

What do you wish your parents had talked to you about?

I hear from a lot of people, “My parents never talked to me about that.” The “that” could be sex, sexuality, rape, relationships, a family history of mental illness, divorce, money, suicide, smoking, drugs, alcohol or addiction, dating history, you name it.

Many adults report wishing their parents had been willing to talk to them about difficult subjects and reflect that maybe if their parents had talked about these issues, life for them might have been easier.

Wondering How do I talk to my kids about sex? About drugs? etc. Here are some general guidelines to consider.

Special Time--The Silver Bullet of Parenting

Putting the fear of god into your children doesn’t work; neither does giving in to their every whim. True cooperation from kids is based on relationship and connection. The question is how do you build the closeness and mutual trust in the midst of running through the day and getting everyone else’s needs met? The closest thing to a silver bullet is Special Time (and, yes, that’s capital S and capital T!).

Are You Your Kid’s Cruise Director?

Now that we are parenting 24/7, it can feel like we are responsible for engaging our kids 24/7.

What if we didn’t? What if we left children to their own devices so they could discover learning on their own? What if by doing so, we were actually helping our kids develop some important independence and autonomy?

The Power of Dreaming

It is important to be present, to appreciate the moment as we are #parentinginplace with our families. At the same time, dreaming is a powerful way to shift our reality, to inspire us and to reassure us, that we will not always be sheltering in place. Children of all ages from preschoolers to teens will benefit from some active, no-holds-barred dreaming.

Clarity, Connection and Consistency: Three Parenting Pillars

Effective Parenting pillars: Clarity, Connection and Consistency. Master these three parenting pillars and all the other parenting challenges will be easier as you will have the strong bond that you need to get your kids’ cooperation.

7 Steps for Standing Up to Bullies

The new school year brings new hopes but also new fears about acceptance and fitting in. This is never more true than for middle school students (though the advice here is good for all grades). Parents can be proactive about talking to their kids about how to handle bullying before it even comes up as a problem.

3 Tips for Deciding What Extracurricular Activities to Enroll Your Kids In

One of the reasons that we are seeing anxiety and depression increase at such alarming rates is because children are so over programmed that they do not get the downtime they need. Additionally, getting kids to their additional activities adds stress to the whole family system. Parents feel a lot of pressure to provide their kids enriching opportunities, but that learning is coming at a very high cost.

3 Metaphors for Parenting Teens

Parenting a teen is a new game! The main goal of parenting a teen is to raise an adult. That means your main parenting task between roughly 12 and 18 is to make the shift from being the captain of the ship to being the wise guide. After all, it is simply not possible to drive down the street for you child and to claim that your child is learning to drive. Before he or she can get a license, your child has to get behind the wheel and drive down the street without you in the car. Keep these three metaphors in mind in helping you be the parent of a teen.

How to Bring Out the Best in Your Kids

Parents often worry that their kids aren’t motivated to do anything beyond play video games or post on social media. The truth of the matter is is that there is a lot in kids’ daily lives that works to squash personal motivation. Here are some tips parents can use to rekindle their child’s natural eagerness to interact with the world and to take pride in what they do.

Addressing Children’s Fears and Anxieties Without Shrugging Them Off

Slow and Steady Wins the Race when it comes to overcoming anxieties and phobias. Too often it is hard for us to slow down and be empathetic with our children and their fears. And sometimes we are so afraid of upsetting them that we do everything we can to avoid the situation that triggers the fear. As with so many things, that answer lies in the middle. Help your child take baby steps towards mastering his fears. That way he will feel supported and seen and heard ; and at the same time you help him develop the skills and persistence he will need so much in life.

How One Dad Rebuilt Trust with His Daughter Even After She Broke the Rules

Every once in a while I publish a guest post—either because the person’s expertise in a given area is much more sophisticated than mine or because they offer a perspective I cannot. In this blog, dad Tyler Jacobson shares how he handled it when his 13 year old daughter broke some big family rules. I especially love the understanding he shows his daughter as well as the problem solving, all while keeping her accountable for her poor choices.

What's Your Plan for That?

Are you concerned that you are a helicopter or lawn mower parent? Do you know that you are one but don’t know what to do differently? One of my favorite techniques for giving our kids some space and encouraging some independent thinking is What’s your plan for that? Instead of mapping out how our child should tackle a homework assignment or chore or even a conflict with a friend, we give the problem to them for consideration. Of course, if they are floundering too much, we step in and help with some course correction (but resist the urge to take over!)

Keeping Parental Anxiety at Bay

Last week I wrote about how anxiety is affecting parenting by sharing the shift that I have seen in my 30 years of working with families. This week I want to outline what I think are some key buffers against parental and (by extension) kid anxiety. In light of the shootings this past week, it feels like I should be addressing the topic of how do you reassure children they are safe, but I still go back to my observation that the younger the child, the more the fears are the old ones that have always been there—being separated from one’s parent, fear of the dark and later fear of being made fun of. Addressing children’s fears is an important topic, but today I am going to stay focused on keeping your own parental anxieties at bay.

Confidence, Parenting, Trust, Growth MindsetElisabeth StittOctober 29, 2018stress, anxiety, parental worry, succes, success, growth mindsetComment

A is for Anxiety

According to the National Survey of Children’s Health, anxiety among children 6-17 is steadily on the rise. Data from 2011-2012 found that 1 in 20 US children has an anxiety diagnosis. That represents a statistically significant increase since the 2003 data; and one can only imagine that were the same data taken in 2018 that there would be a further increase. The numbers only go up with adulthood: 18.1% of the over 18 population every year is found to have an anxiety disorder (This includes anxiety diagnoses like OCD and social anxiety in addition to General Anxiety Disorders, making it the most common mental illness in the U.S.). Data on whether or not rates of anxiety have increased in general in the United States are inconclusive. But from my own experience, that was one of the main reasons I made a shift from teaching kids to supporting parents, and I think my experience sheds light on what is typical.

Confidence, Letting go, ParentingElisabeth StittOctober 25, 2018anxiety, stress, parenting, parenting is hard, childrenComment

That Child Is a Bully!

THAT CHILD IS A BULLY!

Have you ever written off a child in your neighborhood or at your child's school as a bully? It is easy as parents for us to get defensive and judgmental. Bullying sets parents off and strikes a very sensitive chord, but lots of what we fear is bullying is normal interactions among kids—they just need the skills and the example to use it.

Reigning the Crazy by Limiting Your Kids' Activities

In talking to parents this summer, one of the comments I have heard a lot is some theme or variation on how much better the children’s behavior is during the summer compared to the school year. In other words, children who have enough downtime and sleep and fewer demands put on them, are more likely to cheerfully and cooperatively engage in family life.

Children will be happier, healthier and more ready to learn with less hectic schedules and fewer demands put upon them. READ ON for some ways to create that for your kids.

Call it backbone, courage, determination or fortitude, it is all about GRIT and how we foster that in our children

When most people think of grit, they think of “when the going gets tough, the tough get going.” While that is an example of grit, most grit is of the less dramatic kind—the kind which allows a person to keep trying in the face of obstacles large and small.

Setting out to develop grit in your child sounds a bit draconian, but you do want your child to develop the kind of persistence that will allow her to pursue things even when the pursuing feels hard or not worth it. The best way to do this is to help your child see herself as being in process and to see challenges as something to go around rather than as something to stop you in your tracks.

GET 3 TIPS FOR HOW TO DEVELOP GRIT IN YOUR CHILD.

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