GETTING YOUR TWEEN AND TEEN KID TO SLEEP AT NIGHT

What are some bad sleep habits elementary school, tweens and teens have?

•Having their phones in their rooms with them. Yes, a smart phone makes a good alarm, but not if kids are texting and checking social media all night, so better to get your child a conventional alarm clock.

•Going fully speed ahead right up until bed time. People need wind down time. Just as when they were babies or toddlers, kids should have a routine that calms and soothes.

•Varying their bedtimes by a lot. While the occasional late night can’t be avoided, sleep experts agree going to bed at around the same time every night is helpful.

•Trying to make up for lost sleep during the week by sleeping until noon on Saturday.

How Did We Get to Where We Are with Playdates Today and 9 Tips for Structuring Them.

How did we get to where we are today?

The trend for highly supervised playdates grew over a lot of years, and there are some reasons that even if they change back, they won’t ever be quite the same.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words.

A recent Quora question was how do we teach our children priorities. The answer is simple. Every time you make a choice, you are teaching your child your priorities.

You are in the middle of cooking dinner, and your child demands that you stop what you are doing and come see this marvelous bug that he is looking at.

If you turn off the stove and go look, you are prioritizing curiosity, discovery, enthusiasm and in-the-moment excitement.

Separation Anxiety in Older Kids

Both as a teacher and as a camp counselor, I have dealt with plenty of separation anxiety in older kids.

In early elementary kids, it is still common to have a transition period as a child enters a new classroom. Even if the child was perfectly happy in the classroom next door the year before, he may spend the first couple of weeks crying in his new classroom. Intellectually, he knows he was happy the year before and will probably be happy again, but in between then and now, he has spent a lovely, long summer in the bosom of his family. For him separation anxiety is wrapped up in feeling uncomfortable with a new routine. Once he has cycled through the weekly schedule a couple of times and feels he knows his teacher, he is fine.

No, Mommy! Don't go! 8 Tips for Dealing with Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety is a normal stage for kids to go through. It starts around 6 months and usually tapers off around 2 years old. During these months a baby is first gaining the cognitive recognition that you still exist when you are not there, which means baby can now miss you when you are not there. The problem often intensifies because at the same time baby realizes that her primary source of food and comfort can leave her, she is also testing the ways in which she is an individual. That's scary! A lot of separation anxiety is about finding that fine line between growing more independent and at some level still knowing she is fully dependent on you for survival.

What Would You Do If Your Child Were Caught Shoplifting?

This blog is in response to a letter a mom sent me about her son:

Dear Elisabeth,

I am so angry and mortified. My 10-year-old got caught shop lifting, and I am afraid this is a sign of much worse things to come.

Upset and Worried in Tulsa

Shocking Quote from Sex Offender

"Show me a child who

knows nothing about sexuality,

and you've just introduced me

to my next victim."

Your Success Rate As a Parent Is Greater Than You Think

(In addition to being an author on parenting, Hogan is putting together an awesome in-person conference for parents in August 2017. Called the United We Parent Conference, it will take place in Southern California and will include great speakers (like me!) and breakout groups for parents to share their insights and issues.)

Help, Elisabeth! I still really don't know what effective logical consequences are!"

People often ask me, what consequence should I give my child for situation X.

There is no one right answer for that because each family is different, but here are some guidelines:

Logical consequences should

•be related to the problem

•be age appropriate

•allow a child his/her dignity

And most importantly, you HAVE to be able to follow through with them or you are back at square one, so it has to work for your family and for that particular child (fair is not equal).

TAMING TEMPER TANTRUMS

Tantrums are a natural stage in every child's development. While some parents with easy going children may have fewer of them to deal with, no parent avoids tantrums altogether. However, there are steps we can take to avoid and/or mitigate tantrums.

When It Is Time for Consequences

So far, everything you have done to build your consistency muscle has focused on the positive--you have modeled correct behavior, praised correct behavior and trained for correct behavior. But still your child is using disrespectful behavior! Now is when it get's real, when you are going to set an expectation and then hold the limit. This will probably mean that you need to have a consequence ready--one that you can absolutely follow through on.