When it comes to parenting, we are always only making our best guesses. But both of these examples illustrate how when some piece of the parenting still isn't working despite our best arguments and creative solutions that our own emotional baggage or needs might be getting in the way.
The good news is that if we are willing to be open and curious about our own reactions, we have the potential not only to become more effective parents but to heal our own wounds at the same time.
When we are clear about who we are—and really own it with confidence--we are better able to separate ourselves from our kids and let them be who they are (and who they are becoming).
Read MoreA home is not the same as a classroom full of twenty to thirty kids.
But there are some things that parents can learn from the way good teachers do things.
When teachers are evaluated for effectiveness, the measure used is Time on Task. That means how many minutes of the day are students actually learning or practicing content. Any minutes spent doing organizational tasks—taking attendance, collecting lunch money, turning in homework—do not count towards a teacher’s effectiveness.
At home with families, there are necessarily a lot of things that just need to get done—laundry, food prep, clean up, kids getting dressed/undressed, bathed, etc.—but the truly meaningful time is the time spent bonding together, connecting and having fun. In families, that is the Time on Task.
Do you struggle with what consequences to give your kids? The goal of a consequence is not to humiliate, shame, or punish. It is to shift behavior.
Read MoreLots of parents fear potty training and worry that it is going to be a big struggle. The trick to shifting kids successfully from diapers to underwear is to strike a balance between teaching a child about the potty and how to use it, inviting them to use it when then want to and then letting them do so on their own schedule. If you just trust your child is going to get there eventually and project no tension about the process they are making, the child’s natural instinct to do “big kid” things will kick in. Here are some concrete ideas to consider.
Read MoreI was first exposed to Positive Discipline as a classroom teacher, and I was very glad to have it in my toolbelt when I became a parent. Positive Discipline supports Authoritative Parenting—represented by the balance of high warmth with our kids and high expectations for our kids. It has long been known to be the most effective parenting style for raising kids who thrive.
Read to find out more and to hear, specifically, what Positive Discipline Looks like with Tweens and Early Adolescents go
At the start of the new school year, everyone feels motivated—teachers, students and parents. As the year wears on, however, especially students—even more so tweens and teens—lose their motivation. That stresses and concerns parents a lot (In my Middle School Moms FB group unmotivated kids is a topic that comes up fairly often). And it should concern us because how miserable is it to send our kids off to school every day if they are not arriving happy and eager to learn.
So let’s look at how to motivate kids (and how we can keep from demotivating them).
Read MoreRaising a child is anything but easy. Parenting is a full-time job that requires attention, dedication, and patience. As a parent, you are responsible for shaping the perceptions and experiences of your little one, thereby ensuring that your child becomes a productive member of society. To ensure that you can nurture and support your child, you must begin by understanding them. To do so, here are some methods that can help.
Read MoreA lot of people—parents, kids and teens—are anxious about returning to “normal” whatever that is going to look like post-covid. It is my sincere hope that families work to incorporate the silver linings of #parentinginplace into the new school year. That might include family dinners, kids doing chores, family meetings or even new hobbies that keep us grounded and relaxed.
Read MoreTheory is one thing. Putting your best parenting practices into play in the heat of the moment is quite another story! Come read my true confessions of feeling I too often failed my visiting niece and nephews this past week. Boy, are my skills rusty! And, wow, was I reminded how much of parenting is the mental game!
Read MoreParenting is hard, but the right hacks can make daily life a lot smoother. From babies to teens finding the easy way to do things provides more flow and harmony with your home. That means more time for bonding and connecting!
Read MoreThe idea of talking to your kids about porn may make you want to hide your head, but who better than you to do it? Recently I had the pleasure of hearing sex educator Amy Lang give a webinar on how to talk to your boys about porn. I felt like what she has to say is so critically important that I wanted to pass on to you the key ideas I got from her talk. (And while it was directed towards parents of boys, everything Amy said sounded like I could have easily used it with my daughter, too.)
Read MoreI hear from a lot of people, “My parents never talked to me about that.” The “that” could be sex, sexuality, rape, relationships, a family history of mental illness, divorce, money, suicide, smoking, drugs, alcohol or addiction, dating history, you name it.
Many adults report wishing their parents had been willing to talk to them about difficult subjects and reflect that maybe if their parents had talked about these issues, life for them might have been easier.
Wondering How do I talk to my kids about sex? About drugs? etc. Here are some general guidelines to consider.
Read MoreAs a parenting coach I love giving talks around the San Francisco/Bay Area. And now that we are all sheltering in place, I have been doing coaching online by giving webinars. Every once in a while, I leave 10 minutes for Q + A at the end of a talk and I realize upon reflection that I should have talked for 10 minutes and left 50 minutes for Q + A. Since a lot of the questions that come up have similar themes and might be showing up in your house, I thought you might like to read some of those questions and answers.
Read MoreAs a parenting coach, I often ask parents what kind of chores their kids are doing at home. One reason I ask is that it gives me a quick understanding of whether a parent is focused on the whole child or just on developing his resume or portfolio for college. While most measure a teen’s success by grade point and batting averages, other qualities like emotional intelligence and taking initiative count more.
Read MoreThe corona virus pandemic has been awful. Families and kids have suffered greatly. For the most part I can’t wait for things to be more positive and certain. That being said, there have been some silver linings for families, and it is my hope that parents are very mindful about deliberately working to keep those advantages in place.
Read MoreEven if things have been safe and healthy at your house, even if you do not even know anyone who has tested positive for Covid-19, the general levels of societal angst in the past year have affected all of us. And no matter how much you have done to shield your kids from the realities of the outside world, they have had a lot to deal with a lot of changes. It is no wonder that anxiety has been building up in them. Here are 8 tips for handling pandemic anxiety in your kids.
Read MoreThe fact that your child has been diagnosed with ADHD may bring up a lot of emotions—fear, sadness, guilt, anger, confusion. But to my mind the diagnosis is good. Let me tell you why. You have been living with a child with ADHD for quite some time now. Whether or not you knew it, you knew your child is different. To my mind, having a diagnosis is a good thing: It means you can get the professional help your child might really need. In the meanwhile, all the parenting techniques that support harmony and cooperation in any household are even more important with your kids with an ADHD diagnosis.
Read MoreThe tagline to my business Joyful Parenting Coaching is Be the Architect of Your Family. With that, I really mean to parent deliberately. Here are three reasons I see structure as supporting a happy, harmonious family life: It makes kids feel secure; it gives opportunities for independence; and it can improve connection among family members.
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